10) Several hundred 8-9-10 year old boys have all appeared at the hospital deep in grief and all claiming to
have lost their "daddy". Counselors are overwhelmed.
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9) At first there were rumors of some form of miracle as 12 hours after he died there were no signs whatsoever of rigamortis. But as soon as he was wheeled
past the childrens ward on his way out of the hospital he got stiff.
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A Pro-Nazi group from Bavaria, interested in resurrecting the reputation of Adolph Hitler have emerged with proof that it was the Feurer and not Michael
Jackson who composed and performed Thriller.
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7) The whole Jackson family and a substantial list of current and former employees have all agreed to let bygones be bygones and have all signed an agreement
that insures that there will be no legal actions taken by any of them for any reason.
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6) Six autopsies concurred with the initial findings that Michael Jackson died from no one ever loving him
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5) There is rejoicing and paid days off notices are everywhere in the night time comedy show writers klatches.
Emails have verified that they have pages and pages and pages of already written and focus group tested jokes about oxycontin addiction left over from the
several months long nightly barrage they leveled night after night after night at Rush Limbaugh. Until ABC, NBC, and CBS corporate suits notified them that
none of those jokes could be used because now oxycontin addiction suddenly for some mysterious reason isn't funny.
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4) The paparazzi was certain that the photos that came in over the transom were autopsy pics of MJ and how
while he looked wizened in the cheeks, somewhat bloated and of course dead he didn't look half as bad as reports had led them to believe. Until a
subsequent phone call revealed it was Elizabeth Taylor grieving at a health spa.
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3) There's the US Army. There's the Salvation army. And then there's Michael Jacksons legal team,
the number of which dwarfs the prior two. Combined.
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2) Bets have been placed in Vegas as to which place had more security, secrecy, surveillance, high tech
intruder alert and disposal weaponry. The Green Zone Centcom HQ in Bagdad. KGB HQ in Moscow. Or Michael Jackson's closet in the guest room.
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1) Sarah Palin now knows that all she has to do to avoid any and all critical media attacks and attacks by Hollywood celebrities and late night comedy show hosts is sell new platinum album and bust a few edgy dance moves. She cant learn the crotch grab and the look-away fast enough.
