10- By executive order 1276969 Obama has officially changed the name of Washington DC to Mexico City. He earlier in the day changed the name of Boston to Tegucigalpa. Los Angeles, although already sporting a Spanish name, has officially been renamed Cartagena, and there were a few other evenly distributed name changes in this Executive Order. Des Moines was officially name changed to Teotihuacan which those citizens interviewed at a half-way house seemed to really like and last but not least Seattle is now named Cesar Chavezville. The president vehemently denied this is an appeal to the Latino vote.
9- By executive order, and wearing a big sombrero while he signed it, Obama has renamed the states of Arizona and New Mexico, Aztlan, thereby eliminating what have always been two separate states and combining them into one contiguous territory. The president announced “It time to get something done over the gridlock in congress.” The respective governors have been replaced with leaders given the name of “ObamaDons”. In the announcement in the Rose garden Obama said "This will create 2 million jobs as we now will need to change the names on all kinds of things like signs, highways, and virtually all the documents produced by the new single State government. Obama said "change is always good and this has nothing whatsoever to do with the election.
8- Michele Obama announced that going forward only Mexican food will be served in all lunchrooms at public schools nationwide. New dishes like "healthy superburritos" and "healthy chimichangas" will replace broccoli sandwiches. The first lady announced that the reason for this a change in kids healthy menus was because the most recent studies proved that all kids lost weght by eating extra portions of sour cream, guacamole, and hot salsa. The first lady stated emphatically that this had nothing to do with the upcoming election.
7- Obama told the media that he was getting tired of reading references to him calling him "the One" and had ordered all such references hearby changed in solidarity to "The Juan". Obama stated emphatically that this had nothing to do with the upcoming election.
6- Best Foods Corporation has been notified by Department of Homeland Security that they were to recieve a reward and Congressional Citation. All they had to do was change the name of their core product to CincoDee Mayonnaise or Cincodee Mayo. Obama denied emphatically that this had anything to do with the upcoming election.
5- Obama announced in a formal speech to the MALDEF Convention that in conjunction with his TARP program in which displaced homeowners were "evicted from their home that was rightfully theirs" by greedy rich people, has, by executive order 7735826 returned The Alamo to Spain. Which of course ignited a colossal dispute between Mexico and Spain who both asserted immediate claims to the property, which Obama offered to settle all claims with someone elses money at a beer summit, while calling it a "teachable moment".
4- The SEIU under the auspices of the Department of Labor has begun the program to unionize the entire population of Mexico so that they can recieve what has been wrongfully taken away from them. When asked by the NY Times, during the post announcement press question period, what exactly was taken from the entire population of that country, Obama indicated that he refuses to answer racist questions and ordered the heckler removed.
3- David Axlerod said it was "kind of a no brainer" when Obama announced that by executive order 7733462 he was extending unemployment benefits and free health care to the people of Bolivia.
2- Students across the land were given outreach robocalls from Obama himself, informing them that they would be guaranteed lucrative high paying jobs in the Solar Industry and free golf for life upon graduation.
1- Perhaps the most brilliant fundraising move in decades was Team Obama informing every registered Democrat in the country of their ability to receive, if they responded within 35 days, and by Visa, Mastercard, or Wallgreens gift card, a paid $25 donation to the Obama Campaign, allowed under executive order 744483, and predicated on the Commerce Clause, a signed and framed personal Presidential Pardon, good for immediate expulsion of any one of seven felony convictions. For an extra premium of $50 they could get an "enhanced" pardon that not only was transferable to anyone they chose,including people from Mexico here illegally, but included in the delivery package for one lucky winner, a used set of under ware worn to the Oscars by Sara Jessica Parker. The original idea for a prize was a used pair of Joy Behars panties but that was quietly put aside in favor of the complete set of Parkers Victoria Secrets private collection ensemble.